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50 Photos Families Wish They’d Included (But Didn’t Think Of)
The Chptr Team
Families sit across from you with a handful of photos, usually the formal ones. The wedding portrait. The high school graduation. The professional headshot. The holiday card from five years ago. They’re good photos. Safe photos. The ones that feel appropriate for a memorial.
But weeks or months later, you hear the regret.
“I wish we’d included the one of him in his workshop.”
“I forgot about all those pictures from her garden.”
“Why didn’t I think to use the photo of them laughing at that joke?”
The problem isn’t that families don’t have other photos. It’s that in the fog of grief and the pressure of choosing quickly, they default to what feels formal and dignified. They forget that the photos that truly capture someone are rarely the posed ones. They’re the ones that show life being lived.
You can’t make these decisions for families, but you can ask questions that help them remember. You can give them permission to choose the photos that show who their person really was, not just how they looked at their best.
This is a reference for those conversations. Not a script to follow, but prompts that help families remember the photos they’ll wish they’d included.
Photos That Show Personality (Not Just Portraits)
Families tend to choose photos where their person looks “nice”, neat hair, good lighting, smiling at the camera. But the photos people remember are the ones that capture personality:
- Mid-laugh, not a posed smile, the moment right after the joke landed, when they couldn’t hold it together.
- Doing something with their hands, cooking, fixing something, knitting, playing an instrument, working on a car.
- In their favorite spot, not vacation photos, but their chair, their workbench, their garden, their corner of the garage.
- Wearing what they actually wore, the threadbare T-shirt, the stained apron, the hat they refused to throw away.
- With their “daily companion”, their coffee mug, their tools, their reading glasses, their crossword puzzle.
- Making their signature face, the eye roll, the smirk, the concentrated expression, the look they made when they were thinking.
- In motion, walking, dancing, reaching for something, turning around, not static and posed.
- Showing their hands, working hands, gentle hands, hands that built, healed, or created things.
- Their messy workspace, the desk, the craft room, the garden shed exactly as they left it.
- Doing something “wrong”, eating cake for breakfast, napping in a weird spot, wearing mismatched socks, the human moments.
Photos That Include the “Missing People”
Often the person who died was the one always behind the camera. Families forget there are photos of them too:
11. Old photos before they were the photographer, from childhood, teenage years, or early adulthood.
12. Photos other people took of them, ask friends, coworkers, or extended family who might have candid shots.
13. Screenshots from video calls, these often capture how they truly looked in conversation.
14. Selfies they took, even if the angle or lighting isn’t perfect, it’s how they saw themselves.
15. Group photos where they’re not the focus, in the background, on the edge, slightly out of frame but present.
16. Photos from other people’s events, weddings, graduations, or parties they attended but didn’t host.
17. Accidental photos, the ones where they were caught in the frame while someone photographed something else.
18. Photos with people they loved, even if they aren’t looking at the camera, the ones where they’re looking at a grandchild or friend.
19. Photos where they clearly set the timer, a little awkward, rushing into the frame, but present.
20. Security or doorbell camera stills, modern life sometimes captures authentic, unguarded moments.
Photos from Life Stages Families Forget About
Families often focus on recent photos or major milestones. Entire decades get lost.
21. Their “awkward years”, bad haircuts, questionable fashion, braces, the ones that make them real.22. Military service photos, not just the formal portrait, but candid shots with their unit.
23. First job photos, before the career began, when they were just starting out.
24. Photos from when they were someone’s age, “This is your dad at your age” resonates across generations.
25. Photos from moves or transitions, standing in front of a new house, a new city, a new beginning.
26. “Before” photos, before marriage, before kids, before a diagnosis, before retirement. They show the full arc.
27. Photos from hobbies they stopped doing, they played guitar in college, used to paint, joined a bowling league.
28. Photos showing historical context, the cars, technology, or clothing that place them in time.
29. Photos with people who are also gone now, parents, siblings, friends who died before them.
30. Recovery or triumph photos, after surgery, after treatment, after accomplishing something difficult.
Photos That Show Hobbies, Quirks, and Daily Life
The things they did regularly often become invisible until they’re gone.
31. With their pet, or every pet they ever had, animals were part of their daily life.
32. In their garden, not the perfect final bloom, but them working in it.
33. With their collection, whatever they collected, even if others thought it was odd.
34. Doing their sport or activity, golf, fishing, hiking, yoga, action shots, not posed ones.
35. Reading, if they always had a book, show them with a book.
36. Cooking or grilling, in their element, making their signature dish.
37. At their volunteer work, the place they gave their time regularly.
38. With their favorite sports team gear, if they lived and died by their team, that’s part of who they were.
39. Attending their regular event, the weekly card game, the monthly book club, the season tickets, the Sunday service.
40.In their vehicle, the truck, the motorcycle, the convertible, the van they drove everywhere.
Photos With Friends, Not Just Family
Families often forget that their person had a whole life outside the home.
41. With their work friends, the people they saw five days a week for decades.
42. With their childhood friends, the ones who knew them first.
43. With their “found family”, neighbors, gym buddies, support groups, online communities.
44. At their regular hangout, the coffee shop, the bar, the park bench, the fishing spot.
45. With people from their past, old roommates, military buddies, former coworkers they stayed in touch with.
46. With mentees or people they helped, students, kids they coached, people they sponsored.
47. With their “crew”, the group they traveled with, played cards with, watched games with.
48. Celebrating someone else’s milestone, showing up for others mattered too.
49. Doing something silly with friends, costumes, pranks, inside jokes caught on camera.
50. Just hanging out, not doing anything special, just being together.
A Few Questions That Help Families Remember
When families seem stuck with only formal photos, these questions often unlock memories:
- What were they usually doing on a Saturday morning?
- If I walked into their house, where would I find them?
- What were they wearing most of the time?
- What made them lose track of time?
- Who would have candid photos we haven’t thought to ask?
- What did they do that drove everyone crazy but we’ll miss anyway?
- If we could only show one photo that captured their sense of humor, what would it be?
- What were they doing the last time you saw them really happy?
Formal photos have their place, but memorial tributes that only show someone at their “best” often miss who they really were. The photos families treasure years later are rarely the ones where everyone is smiling perfectly at the camera.
They’re the ones that make people say, “That’s exactly how I remember them.”
Your job isn’t to tell families which photos to choose. It’s to give them permission to choose the real ones—the ones that show mess and joy and ordinary life. The ones that prove someone didn’t just exist, they lived.
Most families won’t think of these photos in the moment, but if you ask the right questions, they’ll remember. And weeks later, when they’re watching that tribute or looking at that memory board, they won’t wish they’d chosen different photos. They’ll be grateful they chose the honest ones.
